COUPLE WITHOUT LIMITS

COUPLE WITHOUT LIMITS

Major publications and productions have come up with wonderful programs based on the individual man or the individual woman. We have seen shows and books with titles such as Mighty man of Valor, Man of Integrity, The Unstoppable Woman and The Fearless Wife. We however don’t have much material about young couples. This is why in this article we are going to concentrate on the COUPLE WITHOUT LIMITS. We are going to look at the young couples who have just gotten into the union of marriage and how powerful their union is.

It is true that the modern world doesn’t regard the marriage institution with the dignity that it deserves. There are many who frown upon marriage not because of anything else but just because they prefer having their “freedom” intact. Many consider marriage as some kind of prison in which individual liberties are curtailed and one’s own personality dissolved. There are those who have watered down the institution of marriage to the point of regarding it as an open ended contract that can be entered into and terminated without any solid reason. Nowadays many people date just for the sake of dating and others court just because people court. There are many nowadays who prefer enjoying the benefits of marriage without encountering the sacrifice, commitment and responsibilities that come with marriage. When two people commit to get married they are always discouraged through such phrases as “marriage is not worth it” or “marriage is hard” or “another fool rushes in.” Many newlyweds have overheard during their wedding celebrations all manner of discouraging facts about marriage. 

All these notwithstanding, it’s important to understand first and foremost that marriage is not for cowards or the faint hearted. Marriage takes courage, guts and the highest level of commitment for it to work. It has been said in some quarters that “marriages don’t work, you work on them.” It involves losing yourself in a union that is constantly under attack and negative criticism. It takes integrity, vision, warrior like courage and the ruthlessness of a general for one to protect and defend their marriage from both the internal and external attacks.

An ideal marriage can be very liberating. When two people come together in holy matrimony their union is sanctioned by God. A couple that allows God to be at the center of their relationship have at their disposal a potent weapon. When a man commits to love his wife as Christ loved the church and when a woman positions herself in her God given position in order to function within her purpose, and with God by their side, then they are a majority. Remember that one can chase a thousand and two can chase ten thousand. Add God to such a union and you have a fortress of a marriage which becomes a united Kingdom that’s hard to divide. The Bible says that a Kingdom divided against itself cannot prosper and as such a couple in agreement is a fortified Kingdom. 

When a couple chooses to work in agreement in whatever they do, they form a strong team which then moves in order, they move as a regiment with the power to vanquish and destroy the obstacles set by the enemy against them. That is why men who are looking forward to getting married should understand that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the lord. 

There’s some kind of favor that comes with marriage that cannot be found anywhere else. If this wasn’t true then God himself would not have stated it in such clear terms. It is therefore prudent for a couple to take full grasp of every God given favor available for their marriage. We have witnessed many people who were regarded as being “good for nothing” being transformed when they get married. Many unkempt and unfocussed men have experienced tremendous change after getting married. This kind of transformation is not just a normal thing that happens when people get married, it is FAVOR.

A man’s superior form of achievement is coming to a point where he’ll be able to exalt his word above his own name while a woman’s superior form of achievement is being able to lead in her role. A combination of these two attributes is a major ingredient to a happy and successful marriage and family. 

The joy of marriage is far much superior in comparison to the cheap thrills that come with premarital and extramarital affairs. While the world has conditioned us to believe that sleeping around is the in thing, the reality is that sexual sin brings with it a bitter sting of death. The moment a man or a woman chooses unfaithfulness, what they have chosen to do is to create a wedge in their Kingdom. Infidelity splits the once potent Kingdom right in the middle from top to bottom. It brings about a division in the marriage and everything about the marriage starts to crumble bit by bit. Hearts are broken and investments dwindle, happiness and laughter disappear off the window and heaviness and darkness settles in. 

Let’s not be deceived, infidelity creates a major shift in the relationship and as much as we may choose to forgive the offender, the reality is that things will never be the same again for that union. The scar of infidelity will never ever go away and it’ll always serve as a constant reminder of the pain, betrayal and the mess that we had to deal with.

This therefore means that couples who love each other should protect each other. They should cover each other and encourage each other throughout their journey. This should be an everyday mission. Remember that love covers a multitude of sins and as such we need to understand what loving your spouse really means. Husbands have been tasked with the heavy task of loving their wives as Christ loved the church. You just need to look at what Christ did for the church to understand that loving your wife is not an easy task. It then follows that for those who are dating the words “I LOVE YOU” should not be used just anyhow unless one really means it. It is a fact that any meaningful relationship has to be tested. The question therefore is, after the tides and the storms have subsided, what is it that will remain of your LOVE?

I believe in the saying that “if you are not willing to share in my struggles, then don’t be willing to share in my glory.” This means that if you are dating someone and the tides rise and the storms rage, how they react after that season of pain in your relationship will give you an idea of the kind of person they are. Anyone who threatens to leave you whenever you are down might not be the kind of person who will stand with you in your struggles. They however are the kind of people who will be so willing to share in your glory. The last thing you want is to get into a lifelong commitment with someone who is double minded and who will always be dragging you down.

In conclusion, it should be the goal of every couple to ensure that there’s always harmony in their relationship. They should always live, move and have their being in the almighty God. They should always strive to live in unity and order in order to create a powerful Kingdom of their own. After all there’s nothing as fulfilling as enjoying the benefits of the Kingdom that you’ve worked so hard to build.

Then and only then will you become a COUPLE WITHOUT LIMITS.

By: Washington Mwangi Kinyanjui

CATCH HER IF YOU CAN.....

CATCH HER IF YOU CAN

To use that analogy to discuss our topic today, all ladies should know that in a relationship, they are the LOCK and all men should know that they are the KEY. WHY? Because when a man wants to date/marry or have sex with a woman he asks HER and the final consent rests with her. In relationships, what we are looking for is a FIT. 

What we often do not realize is that only a broken/bent key will fit a broken/bent  lock. That means that more often than not if you are broken you will attract a broken partner. YOU ATTRACT WHO YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU WANT.

What do I mean by being broken? There exists a very vulnerable part of us that we only expose to people who we love. Our past mistakes, our fears, our weaknesses and insecurities, our hopes and dreams….So what happens when we let in someone who does not value us? They come in and they break us. Just like the lock and key to our house, it would take so much work to make that relationship work because we have two broken people who do not realize that it was their brokenness that brought them together. So what are some of the signs of brokenness?

SIGNS THAT THE KEY IS BROKEN

MEN

• A need to control and smother a partner.

• Fear to invest emotionally

• Need to compete and always win

• Chauvinism and Chest thumping- demeaning your partner in an effort to feel stronger and  important.

• Having a backup plan or dodging commitment ie having other women in mind if this relationship fails. You also run your relationship that gives you the best chance of deniability. 

• Violence and abuse

SIGNS THAT THE LOCK IS BROKEN

WOMEN

•  Very clingy ie you seem desperate. If a man is interested in you he will pursue you relentlessly. Eg Genesis 29:18, 22-28 :Jacob worked for Rachael for 14 years! If a guy doesn’t call you back and you spend the whole week calling and texting- you are clingy and that is a sign of insecurity.

• Severe feminism- you think all men are the same….eg, all men lie and cheat. 

• Severe unfounded jealousy

•  You think having sex, a baby or an affair with someone means that he loves you. 

•  Condoning violence and abuse

The good thing is that even broken locks and keys can be repaired. God is the one who designed you in such a unique way, He is the match maker and if you let Him, he will heal you both. Healing is a process and you both must commit to this process because it can sometimes be painful. Help each other to become better people, that is what a relationship is supposed to be.

Men, you are pursuing this wonderful woman and you want to catch her?

FIGHT FOR HER like Jacob did, and repair the key in order to become a good fit.

Ladies, you are trying to choose who to love and settle with? Look for the one who fights for you and protects you and repair the lock so that you can become a good fit.

Conclusion : Isaiah 43:19

By Christine and Washington Mwangi.

ROSES & THORNS - HUBBY'S TAKE

ROSES & THORNS – HUBBY’S TAKE

My life as a bachelor was not very meticulous simply because it was focused mainly on me, myself and I. Every choice and decision that I made was focused on how the expected outcomes would benefit me. I did not have to worry about making decisions for two people and I wasn’t much affected with the oneness that comes from being in a close relationship. I actually considered myself to be a strong person emotionally and I never thought anyone had the ability to affect my emotions based on their own emotions. This was informed mainly by the fact that I was solely responsible for the “stability” of my own emotional well being. This is a thought pattern that I held onto strongly for several years as a single young man.

When I met Christine Muna and we started dating, I knew in my heart that I had found the love of my life. I had no doubt in my heart that she was the one I intended to spend my whole life with. Our dating and courtship was adventurous and hilarious. It was exciting as it was fulfilling even as we grew closer to each other. The whole principle of two becoming one was becoming a reality to me as the days went by.

Anyone one who has been in a serious relationship will confirm that as you grow together you tend to get linked in almost all ways including emotionally. God in His own wisdom, intention and purposes chose to create men and women in a totally different way as far as emotional intensity is concerned. While both men and women are emotional beings the reality is that more often we tend to have different ways of expressing our emotions. These differences have the potential to bring tumult into a relationship if not handled with wisdom.

As I grew closer to Christine, I started to engage with her emotionally at all levels. I realized that despite the fact that I considered myself strong emotionally the saying “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” was becoming a reality to me. I discovered that I was actually getting more and more affected by her emotions in that if she wasn’t happy I would also find myself unhappy. Normally, I preferred always having a “happy” life. I was the kind of person who would even ignore a crisis just to ensure that the happenings of the day were exciting. This was a trait that I brought into our relationship and it was a huge struggle for me. The big question for me was how to link with Christine emotionally and still manage to be myself and not pretend that all was well when it wasn’t well at all. How could I maintain a peaceful atmosphere within for the sake of both of us in the midst of a storm without losing it? And if I was to break down and cry while comforting and holding her, who then would hold me in return? And therein lay the thorn within me, the emotional struggle and the pretense.

I have discovered after almost five years of knowing Christine that it’s the woman who sets the mood in a relationship, and in the house for those who are married. If she’s happy there’s a high chance that the man will also be happy, if she’s feeling down there’s a high chance that the man will follow suit. As I said earlier this could be a potential trouble spot for a relationship if not handled properly. Some men have bailed out of great relationships with great women just because the said men were unable to handle the emotional dynamics of their women. The excuses given by such men are that their women have got “so many issues” which they cannot handle. Now if all men were to think in this way then the human race would be extinct by now because marriages as we know them would have ceased to exist. The Bible clearly states that “if you don’t want trouble, then don’t get married.” This is indicative in itself that marriage is not for boys and girls but for mature men and women. I believe that it is given to every man by God the innate ability to take care of his wife emotionally, if only we realize it and are willing to grow this God given ability.

I realized that I had to grow beyond myself in order to be able to satisfactorily handle Christine’s emotions. I discovered that I was petty in trying to pretend that all was well in the midst of a storm. It was evident that it was simplistic of me to ignore Christine’s emotions and continue as though nothing was happening. I HAD TO CHANGE. 

I allowed God to start a growth process in me which in itself wasn’t very easy. This required total dedication on my part because if I really wanted to effectively take care of my wife emotionally then I had to step up and withstand the process of growth. This is a lifelong process since life happens and no one can predict what tomorrow holds. I however thank God that despite the fact that I’m not there yet, I’m definitely not where I was when I first started. I have actually experienced a tremendous amount of growth which has seen Christine and I grow together in our marriage which keeps getting sweeter by the day.

I can confirm that the thorn is now blunter and its sting and consequences are no longer grave. Emotions are an extremely powerful part of us which we cannot ignore. They constitute a normal part of us as human beings but the great news is that they can be controlled and handled properly.

Both Christine and I are now emotionally more mature and the good part is that we are now more emotionally open and vulnerable to each other which has been instrumental in making our love for each other greater. 

My angelic Christine Muna Mwangi, I love you more and more each day.