Leadership can be simply defined
as “Doing the right thing.” While
leadership has been hyped in various circles, it’s been ignored in the family
setting and more so in the dating and relationships and the marriage
institution. It is a fact that the man has been mandated by God to be the
leader in a marriage relationship. Having said this, it’s important to realize
that this mandate is also applicable in the courtship scene.
When God instructed us to have dominion
over the earth, he did not mean that we should have dominion over other people.
Unfortunately, dominating others has been mistaken for leadership even in our
dating and marriage relationships. Many people have lost confidence in courting
and marriage relationships mainly because of lack of Godly leadership in the
said relationships. There are many people who are conducting their
relationships on a “let’s wait and see
what happens” basis. They assume that things will work themselves out. This
is an escapist and dangerous perception because successful dating and marriage
relationships need a lot of work and effort to be invested in them.
It is the role of the man to lead
with all faithfulness & humility. Men need to realize that in order for the
relationship to work, they cannot afford to sit back and wish that things will
just work out. They have to take charge and take their relationship through the
straight and narrow path of righteousness. Men do not have an option when it
comes to this God given mandate; at least if they are keen on ensuring that
their relationships work.
The big question therefore is,
how can you as a man lead your girlfriend, fiancée or wife in all faithfulness
& humility? Here are some practical ways of doing so:
·
Build
yourself as a person
Effective
leadership starts from within oneself. You cannot lead any other person unless
you learn how to lead yourself first. You have to deal with those deep rooted
issues within yourself that might be a hindrance to your relationship. Have a
thorough look within yourself, identify the negatives, uproot them, prevent
them from finding a foot hold within you then move on. Many times this may take
a while and it might be a painful and tiring process but at the end of it all,
the benefits will be worth it. After all you do not want to burden your
significant other with your deep rooted issues which haven’t been dealt with.
It is good to ask God to help you get rid of your insecurities and other
negative attitudes and traits that you may be struggling with.
Many times you
may not have people to encourage you because the path of a leader can sometimes
be very lonely. If this happens-and it will-you need to seek the face of God
like King David when he encouraged himself in the Lord. Ensure that your
primary source of strength is God himself. You will never go wrong with this.
·
Consult
her before making any big decision
Whether you are
courting or married, as a man, you should never ever make any major decision
without consulting your significant other. Many major decisions are also life
altering decisions for both of you. Decisions on career change, where to live,
the number of children to have, changing churches, where to school and other
major decisions should be made only after consulting your fiancée or wife.
Consulting is a sign on humility and good leadership.
This is an ideal
way of ensuring transparency in your relationship whether in courtship or
marriage. It eliminates nasty surprises that are common in relationships
nowadays because the man has taken it upon himself to be the “sole decision maker” in a relationship.
Your fiancée or wife is your God
ordained helper and you should treat her as such.
·
Admit
your mistakes & accept correction
Even the
greatest among us make mistakes. The best way of getting over the consequences
of our mistakes is by admitting that we are wrong and to accept correction. It
is unwise not to heed correction from your significant other especially in
marriage. This is because in marriage the two of you become one and so if your
wife corrects you, you are in essence correcting
yourself. At the end of the day,
both of you will benefit from dealing with the mistakes made and choosing the
right path.
·
Do not
manipulate or play with her emotions
Women are
vulnerable to emotional manipulation and some men have perfected the art of
taking advantage of this vulnerability. Manipulation has been said to be in the
league of witchcraft in some quarters. By manipulating your fiancée or wife,
you are basically doing what witches and wizards do. What you need to do as a
man is to protect her emotionally, don’t push her emotional buttons in order to
get her to do what you want or to give you what you want. Don’t tear her down
emotionally because by doing so you are ruining your relationship and her life.
Instead, you should her emotions, protect her and shield her from any emotional
distress while allowing her to be just herself, a GIRL.
·
Build her
aspirations & dreams
Allow your
fiancée or wife to be the best that she’s meant to be. Support her in her
dreams and aspirations, encourage her when she’s down and walk with her through
thick and thin for that’s a sign of great leadership. Do not be intimidated or
threatened by her success, celebrate her successes as if they were your own and
take her hand and lead her on the road to her own success. Remember that her
victories are your victories and her failures are your failures. Don’t see her
as a competition but rather as a partner and never despise her vision. Support
her strong points and strengthen her weak points, after all that’s what all
Godly leaders do. In this way you are going to build a very healthy and happy
relationship.
·
She’s
your partner, not your trophy
Your fiancée or
wife is not a trophy for your cabinet display. She’s your partner. Respect her
and honor her. Do not compare her with other women because she’s the best for
you that’s why you chose her in the first place. Always consider her as an
equal and at par with you in all areas. You are not with her so that you can
display her to the world; you are with her so that you can grow together and
build each other according to your God given purposes. So ensure that you
respect her for who she is, what she does and who and what she’s becoming.
·
Involve
her in your dreams and aspirations
Your fiancée or
wife should be an integral part of your dreams and aspirations. She should be
at the center of your vision. Allow her to support you and to cheer you on as
you walk towards the direction of your dreams and aspirations. Allow her part
ownership of your dreams and aspirations. And at the end of it all, when you
achieve your dreams and aspirations, allow her position up there at the podium,
so that you can share the glory together.
·
Just be
yourself
Finally, just be
yourself, don’t try to be superman. Great leaders know that their God given
abilities are sufficient for this life. It’s a tragedy to try copy someone else
because in doing so you risk losing your identity. God made you an original and
as such you do not have to be a cheap photocopy of someone else. Don’t try
impressing her by being someone else. Just be yourself and she‘ll respect you
for that.
In conclusion, it’s imperative
for you as a man to take the mantle of leadership in your relationship, protect
that girl and build her to become the best that she’s meant to be. She’s God’s
gift to you have to love her as God intended. If you are to handle this issue
in the right way, the Lord will reward you immensely. YOU WILL NEVER REGRET
THIS.
