The Delusion & Deception of being the other man
About a year or so ago,
an advert was placed in different spots in the city of Nairobi by a young man
who said he was a “toy boy” who was in need of a sugar mummy. The advert which
became a hot topic in the social media conveyed an open message that the young
man would offer sexual services to the willing sugar mummy in return for
financial favors. This was to be a straight business transaction with no
strings attached. The desperation of this young man could be deciphered in the
advert placed in the form of posters on street lamps, walls of buildings and
bridge pillars. This issue brought to the fore the willingness by some men to
be used as “side dishes” or “toy boys” in return for financial stability.
While I’m still trying
to grasp how one would be proud to be called a “toy boy” or a “side dish,” it
is evident that there are some men who are willing to throw away any form of
dignity left in them for the sake of sexual adventure just for the sake of it
or offering sexual services in return for money. There are some men who are
willing to be the other man in a relationship. These men advertise themselves
as stallions & studs with the ability to satisfy the needs of women whether
young or old, married or not. It is worth noting that the other man comes in
different forms, they may be single or married, young or old.
While a lot has been
said about the other woman, very little has been said about the other man yet
there are some men who wear this title with a lot of arrogance and very little
dignity. While the world tends to exalt sexual immorality and infidelity, there
are some fundamental truths that the world does not tell us about being the
other man in a relationship.
However, there are some
truths that we need to look at as it regards being the other man in a
relationship.
It
is cheap and of less value
The other man is as
cheap as the woman he is engaging in an illicit relationship with. If a woman
is willing to cheat on her husband with you and you are party to the
arrangement, then understand that you are of the same mind and stature. Both of
you are suffering from esteem and self worth issues. Both of you are of little
or no dignity and you are agreeing on following the short path to destruction.
Note that two cannot walk unless they agree and when two are joined together
sexually they become one, and the problem with this kind of arrangement is that
you are becoming one in cheapness. Two cheap people cannot create a pricey and
valuable union. Let the cheating woman keep to herself and do not join yourself
with her lest you lower yourself to her level. Be deaf to the words of the
seductress who is willing to lure you into her bedroom by telling you that
stolen love is sweet. Get yourself some spine, dress yourself with dignity and place
some value on yourself and resist any form of sexual temptation.
It
swallows your identity
Whoever joins himself
with a prostitute becomes one with her. Being the other man in a relationship
brings you to a point of sharing your identity with the cheating woman. Whether
you like it or not, you can never escape this reality. If you want to maintain
your identity as a “stud” or a “stallion” then save yourself for your wife. As
a man you are meant to delight in the wife of your youth and desist from
embracing the bosoms of other men’s wives. Your sexual prowess that you boast
about should be reserved for your wife, do not share your sexual passions with
any other woman who is not your wife lest you also be a prostitute through
laying with a prostitute. He is not justified calling anyone a prostitute he
who lays with a prostitute because they are one. The masculinity of a man is
not based on how many women he sleeps with but on the commitment he has for
that one woman, the wife of his youth. You have within you the wherewithal to
build within yourself an identity based on integrity, strong value systems and
respect for yourself.
It
sets you up for serious consequences
The world glorifies
sexual sin and infidelity is the order of the day. Young men engaged in no
strings attached sexual relationships with other men’s wives are rewarded well
financially. What the world doesn’t teach us is that beyond the screensaver of
sexual adventure and financial gain lies a painful sting of death. Sin has
consequences and sexual sin has got its own consequences. When you are far
spent and your body is in agony and pain as a result of engaging in sexual sin,
the reality of the matter is the world will not be there to console and comfort
you for fighting the good fight and running the good race of being the other
man. You will have to carry your cross alone. We have witnessed some men being
killed by enraged husbands after it was discovered that they were having an affair
with their wives and the Bible also alludes to this fact in Proverbs 6:34, For
the woman's jealous husband will be furious, and he will show no mercy when he
takes revenge. Do not be deceived, you reap what you sow and this is a reality
that you cannot escape. If you ruin other people’s marriages then be assured
that if you don’t stop your behavior your own intimate relationship will be
ruined by somebody else.
It
will ruin and definitely bring you down
History has proved to
us that sexual sin has the ability to tear down kingdoms and nations. Lustful
leaders have ended up losing the grip of their kingdoms and many illustrious
careers have been brought down in an instant because of sexual sin. If you don’t
believe it then you can do a quick study on the fall of Dominique Strauss Kahn whose
career as the IMF boss was cut short because of engaging in an illicit
sexual relationship. Whether the affair was consensual or not is not the issue,
the issue is that sexual sin was committed and that was the cause of his
downfall. I do not have enough time to mention the downfall of Samson because
of Delilah, the disgrace of David because of Bathsheba and his son Solomon who
lost the grip of his own God given kingdom because of sexual lust.
Do not
subscribe to the lie that you’ll engage in riotous sexual behavior as a “toy
boy” or a “stud” and expect to get away scot free because something has to
give. Either you change your ways or you’ll witness the destruction of all that
you’ve ever worked for in your life. You’ll watch as the world caves in on you and
witness as everyone who cheered you on in your riotousness scatters leaving you
exposed and ashamed.
Having said all that, the good
news is that no one is beyond redemption. If you are living your life as the
other man in a relationship, you have the choice to STOP IT. Real men pick up
the fragments of their lives, square their shoulders, choose a new path of
righteousness and dignity and start anew. That is a choice that you can make if
you want to be respected by men and to be honored by God. The choice is in your
hands.
By:
Washington Mwangi
