ROSES AND THORNS- PART 1
By Washington and Christine Mwangi
Ever heard of the saying whoever
loves the roses must be ready to endure the thorns? A rose that has thorns
cannot poke / hurt you when you are far. In order for it to hurt you, you must
have attempted to touch it, you must have attempted to pluck it, you must have
been very close to it.
Just like a rose, we all have a
side of our personalities that is good and beautiful and another side that is
not so pleasant and that can hurt others and ourselves. So, how do two
imperfect people hope to have a happy healthy relationship?
Wifey’s
take
There
is nothing that exposes our weaknesses like a close relationship. I remember
how on our second date, I left the house having dressed up and ensuring that I
looked like the beautiful flower I wanted to be. You know how we do girls! I
had changed my outfit several times and had planned the day before what
accessories would be perfect for the date…and shoes…I am a shoe person. I had
to have the right shoes!
When I met up with Washington, he
was looking great…his casual jeans and…oh, wait, what was that on his shirt?
Have you ever hang your shirt without pegs on the hanging line? Have you ever
seen that large zigzag crease that forms after the cloth dries and is blown by
the wind into one side all bunched up at the end of the line? Really I couldn’t
take my eyes off that crease throughout the whole date. I couldn’t believe how
much this irked me….and I thought I was such a deep sister! Don’t look at the
outside, look at character…I tried to remind myself of all that I thought I
stood for as a Christian. Unfortunately, all I could think about was how in
God’s name he would put such little effort in impressing me with his clothes!
Up to that point, I genuinely did not think I was such a petty person. Now I
know J. I
cannot remember this day without laughing.
It is a reminder to me that my
husband is a mirror that God uses to show me both my good and bad sides. I used
to think I was a perfect rose, beautiful and without blemish….but alas, after
being in a relationship for 4 years…I learnt that I am a beautiful rose with
(many)thorns and thank God Washington still loves me. Now in marriage I have
all types of opportunities to be PETTY…however…since I know it’s a thorn, I
counter it practically using God’s word. We will share more about it after
Hubby’s take.
True love makes us better people
Ladies, it is a humbling thing to
accept to be loved; to allow a person to correct you, to allow God to expose
your thorns through your spouse/fiancé/boyfriend. This is a side of love that
some of us do not want to experience. Most of us want to be pursued and we
place these high standards. If he wants me, he had better do… 1,2,3. He had
better step up his game and be…1,2,3. You can bring out that list ladies and
fill in those blanks, because we all have expectations, and particularly for us
ladies, we set our standards high so we can test the man’s resolve to pursue us
and settle down with us. This is great and we must do this to safeguard
ourselves from marrying what we call fokojembes (losers). However,
don’t forget to work on yourself so that you can also meet his standards.
Men’s expectations can be SO different from ours and sometimes we behave as if
it is only our perspectives and expectations that matter in a relationship.
Seek God’s help
Rest assured, the closer you
become in a relationship, the more your personality will be exposed, both the
good and bad sides. Personality issues are deeply embedded in us and sometimes
mere will power is not enough to change a habit that has been entrenched into
our minds and attitudes. Humble yourself before God and ask Him to help you
with those aspects of your personality that would threaten your
marriage…because they are there.
Humble yourself
Sometimes, we are always quick to blame our partners
for the arguments and unhappiness in our relationships. This does not always
solve the problem. Learn to apologize when you are wrong, regardless of what
you may believe, you are not always right. You are a rose and you have thorns.
Resist the urge to hide behind the excuse that this is how you are and you
cannot change. You can change and we will discuss a very practical remedy that
God gives in his word that will help you to do this. Do your part and ask your
partner to do his. Resist the urge to say that you will only change if your
partner changes. I am not saying that you should not hold your partner
responsible for handling his thorns, I am just saying that you can aspire to be
a better person simply because you want to be.
Proverbs 31:30
Always remember, you are
accountable to God first for your thoughts and actions towards your
spouse/fiancé/boyfriend.
Coming Soon: The Hubby's Take
