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COUPLE WITHOUT LIMITS

COUPLE WITHOUT LIMITS

Major publications and productions have come up with wonderful programs based on the individual man or the individual woman. We have seen shows and books with titles such as Mighty man of Valor, Man of Integrity, The Unstoppable Woman and The Fearless Wife. We however don’t have much material about young couples. This is why in this article we are going to concentrate on the COUPLE WITHOUT LIMITS. We are going to look at the young couples who have just gotten into the union of marriage and how powerful their union is.

It is true that the modern world doesn’t regard the marriage institution with the dignity that it deserves. There are many who frown upon marriage not because of anything else but just because they prefer having their “freedom” intact. Many consider marriage as some kind of prison in which individual liberties are curtailed and one’s own personality dissolved. There are those who have watered down the institution of marriage to the point of regarding it as an open ended contract that can be entered into and terminated without any solid reason. Nowadays many people date just for the sake of dating and others court just because people court. There are many nowadays who prefer enjoying the benefits of marriage without encountering the sacrifice, commitment and responsibilities that come with marriage. When two people commit to get married they are always discouraged through such phrases as “marriage is not worth it” or “marriage is hard” or “another fool rushes in.” Many newlyweds have overheard during their wedding celebrations all manner of discouraging facts about marriage. 

All these notwithstanding, it’s important to understand first and foremost that marriage is not for cowards or the faint hearted. Marriage takes courage, guts and the highest level of commitment for it to work. It has been said in some quarters that “marriages don’t work, you work on them.” It involves losing yourself in a union that is constantly under attack and negative criticism. It takes integrity, vision, warrior like courage and the ruthlessness of a general for one to protect and defend their marriage from both the internal and external attacks.

An ideal marriage can be very liberating. When two people come together in holy matrimony their union is sanctioned by God. A couple that allows God to be at the center of their relationship have at their disposal a potent weapon. When a man commits to love his wife as Christ loved the church and when a woman positions herself in her God given position in order to function within her purpose, and with God by their side, then they are a majority. Remember that one can chase a thousand and two can chase ten thousand. Add God to such a union and you have a fortress of a marriage which becomes a united Kingdom that’s hard to divide. The Bible says that a Kingdom divided against itself cannot prosper and as such a couple in agreement is a fortified Kingdom. 

When a couple chooses to work in agreement in whatever they do, they form a strong team which then moves in order, they move as a regiment with the power to vanquish and destroy the obstacles set by the enemy against them. That is why men who are looking forward to getting married should understand that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the lord. 

There’s some kind of favor that comes with marriage that cannot be found anywhere else. If this wasn’t true then God himself would not have stated it in such clear terms. It is therefore prudent for a couple to take full grasp of every God given favor available for their marriage. We have witnessed many people who were regarded as being “good for nothing” being transformed when they get married. Many unkempt and unfocussed men have experienced tremendous change after getting married. This kind of transformation is not just a normal thing that happens when people get married, it is FAVOR.

A man’s superior form of achievement is coming to a point where he’ll be able to exalt his word above his own name while a woman’s superior form of achievement is being able to lead in her role. A combination of these two attributes is a major ingredient to a happy and successful marriage and family. 

The joy of marriage is far much superior in comparison to the cheap thrills that come with premarital and extramarital affairs. While the world has conditioned us to believe that sleeping around is the in thing, the reality is that sexual sin brings with it a bitter sting of death. The moment a man or a woman chooses unfaithfulness, what they have chosen to do is to create a wedge in their Kingdom. Infidelity splits the once potent Kingdom right in the middle from top to bottom. It brings about a division in the marriage and everything about the marriage starts to crumble bit by bit. Hearts are broken and investments dwindle, happiness and laughter disappear off the window and heaviness and darkness settles in. 

Let’s not be deceived, infidelity creates a major shift in the relationship and as much as we may choose to forgive the offender, the reality is that things will never be the same again for that union. The scar of infidelity will never ever go away and it’ll always serve as a constant reminder of the pain, betrayal and the mess that we had to deal with.

This therefore means that couples who love each other should protect each other. They should cover each other and encourage each other throughout their journey. This should be an everyday mission. Remember that love covers a multitude of sins and as such we need to understand what loving your spouse really means. Husbands have been tasked with the heavy task of loving their wives as Christ loved the church. You just need to look at what Christ did for the church to understand that loving your wife is not an easy task. It then follows that for those who are dating the words “I LOVE YOU” should not be used just anyhow unless one really means it. It is a fact that any meaningful relationship has to be tested. The question therefore is, after the tides and the storms have subsided, what is it that will remain of your LOVE?

I believe in the saying that “if you are not willing to share in my struggles, then don’t be willing to share in my glory.” This means that if you are dating someone and the tides rise and the storms rage, how they react after that season of pain in your relationship will give you an idea of the kind of person they are. Anyone who threatens to leave you whenever you are down might not be the kind of person who will stand with you in your struggles. They however are the kind of people who will be so willing to share in your glory. The last thing you want is to get into a lifelong commitment with someone who is double minded and who will always be dragging you down.

In conclusion, it should be the goal of every couple to ensure that there’s always harmony in their relationship. They should always live, move and have their being in the almighty God. They should always strive to live in unity and order in order to create a powerful Kingdom of their own. After all there’s nothing as fulfilling as enjoying the benefits of the Kingdom that you’ve worked so hard to build.

Then and only then will you become a COUPLE WITHOUT LIMITS.

By: Washington Mwangi Kinyanjui

CATCH HER IF YOU CAN.....

CATCH HER IF YOU CAN

To use that analogy to discuss our topic today, all ladies should know that in a relationship, they are the LOCK and all men should know that they are the KEY. WHY? Because when a man wants to date/marry or have sex with a woman he asks HER and the final consent rests with her. In relationships, what we are looking for is a FIT. 

What we often do not realize is that only a broken/bent key will fit a broken/bent  lock. That means that more often than not if you are broken you will attract a broken partner. YOU ATTRACT WHO YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU WANT.

What do I mean by being broken? There exists a very vulnerable part of us that we only expose to people who we love. Our past mistakes, our fears, our weaknesses and insecurities, our hopes and dreams….So what happens when we let in someone who does not value us? They come in and they break us. Just like the lock and key to our house, it would take so much work to make that relationship work because we have two broken people who do not realize that it was their brokenness that brought them together. So what are some of the signs of brokenness?

SIGNS THAT THE KEY IS BROKEN

MEN

• A need to control and smother a partner.

• Fear to invest emotionally

• Need to compete and always win

• Chauvinism and Chest thumping- demeaning your partner in an effort to feel stronger and  important.

• Having a backup plan or dodging commitment ie having other women in mind if this relationship fails. You also run your relationship that gives you the best chance of deniability. 

• Violence and abuse

SIGNS THAT THE LOCK IS BROKEN

WOMEN

•  Very clingy ie you seem desperate. If a man is interested in you he will pursue you relentlessly. Eg Genesis 29:18, 22-28 :Jacob worked for Rachael for 14 years! If a guy doesn’t call you back and you spend the whole week calling and texting- you are clingy and that is a sign of insecurity.

• Severe feminism- you think all men are the same….eg, all men lie and cheat. 

• Severe unfounded jealousy

•  You think having sex, a baby or an affair with someone means that he loves you. 

•  Condoning violence and abuse

The good thing is that even broken locks and keys can be repaired. God is the one who designed you in such a unique way, He is the match maker and if you let Him, he will heal you both. Healing is a process and you both must commit to this process because it can sometimes be painful. Help each other to become better people, that is what a relationship is supposed to be.

Men, you are pursuing this wonderful woman and you want to catch her?

FIGHT FOR HER like Jacob did, and repair the key in order to become a good fit.

Ladies, you are trying to choose who to love and settle with? Look for the one who fights for you and protects you and repair the lock so that you can become a good fit.

Conclusion : Isaiah 43:19

By Christine and Washington Mwangi.

ROSES & THORNS - HUBBY'S TAKE

ROSES & THORNS – HUBBY’S TAKE

My life as a bachelor was not very meticulous simply because it was focused mainly on me, myself and I. Every choice and decision that I made was focused on how the expected outcomes would benefit me. I did not have to worry about making decisions for two people and I wasn’t much affected with the oneness that comes from being in a close relationship. I actually considered myself to be a strong person emotionally and I never thought anyone had the ability to affect my emotions based on their own emotions. This was informed mainly by the fact that I was solely responsible for the “stability” of my own emotional well being. This is a thought pattern that I held onto strongly for several years as a single young man.

When I met Christine Muna and we started dating, I knew in my heart that I had found the love of my life. I had no doubt in my heart that she was the one I intended to spend my whole life with. Our dating and courtship was adventurous and hilarious. It was exciting as it was fulfilling even as we grew closer to each other. The whole principle of two becoming one was becoming a reality to me as the days went by.

Anyone one who has been in a serious relationship will confirm that as you grow together you tend to get linked in almost all ways including emotionally. God in His own wisdom, intention and purposes chose to create men and women in a totally different way as far as emotional intensity is concerned. While both men and women are emotional beings the reality is that more often we tend to have different ways of expressing our emotions. These differences have the potential to bring tumult into a relationship if not handled with wisdom.

As I grew closer to Christine, I started to engage with her emotionally at all levels. I realized that despite the fact that I considered myself strong emotionally the saying “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” was becoming a reality to me. I discovered that I was actually getting more and more affected by her emotions in that if she wasn’t happy I would also find myself unhappy. Normally, I preferred always having a “happy” life. I was the kind of person who would even ignore a crisis just to ensure that the happenings of the day were exciting. This was a trait that I brought into our relationship and it was a huge struggle for me. The big question for me was how to link with Christine emotionally and still manage to be myself and not pretend that all was well when it wasn’t well at all. How could I maintain a peaceful atmosphere within for the sake of both of us in the midst of a storm without losing it? And if I was to break down and cry while comforting and holding her, who then would hold me in return? And therein lay the thorn within me, the emotional struggle and the pretense.

I have discovered after almost five years of knowing Christine that it’s the woman who sets the mood in a relationship, and in the house for those who are married. If she’s happy there’s a high chance that the man will also be happy, if she’s feeling down there’s a high chance that the man will follow suit. As I said earlier this could be a potential trouble spot for a relationship if not handled properly. Some men have bailed out of great relationships with great women just because the said men were unable to handle the emotional dynamics of their women. The excuses given by such men are that their women have got “so many issues” which they cannot handle. Now if all men were to think in this way then the human race would be extinct by now because marriages as we know them would have ceased to exist. The Bible clearly states that “if you don’t want trouble, then don’t get married.” This is indicative in itself that marriage is not for boys and girls but for mature men and women. I believe that it is given to every man by God the innate ability to take care of his wife emotionally, if only we realize it and are willing to grow this God given ability.

I realized that I had to grow beyond myself in order to be able to satisfactorily handle Christine’s emotions. I discovered that I was petty in trying to pretend that all was well in the midst of a storm. It was evident that it was simplistic of me to ignore Christine’s emotions and continue as though nothing was happening. I HAD TO CHANGE. 

I allowed God to start a growth process in me which in itself wasn’t very easy. This required total dedication on my part because if I really wanted to effectively take care of my wife emotionally then I had to step up and withstand the process of growth. This is a lifelong process since life happens and no one can predict what tomorrow holds. I however thank God that despite the fact that I’m not there yet, I’m definitely not where I was when I first started. I have actually experienced a tremendous amount of growth which has seen Christine and I grow together in our marriage which keeps getting sweeter by the day.

I can confirm that the thorn is now blunter and its sting and consequences are no longer grave. Emotions are an extremely powerful part of us which we cannot ignore. They constitute a normal part of us as human beings but the great news is that they can be controlled and handled properly.

Both Christine and I are now emotionally more mature and the good part is that we are now more emotionally open and vulnerable to each other which has been instrumental in making our love for each other greater. 

My angelic Christine Muna Mwangi, I love you more and more each day.

ROSES & THORNS

ROSES AND THORNS- PART 1

By Washington and Christine Mwangi

Ever heard of the saying whoever loves the roses must be ready to endure the thorns? A rose that has thorns cannot poke / hurt you when you are far. In order for it to hurt you, you must have attempted to touch it, you must have attempted to pluck it, you must have been very close to it.

Just like a rose, we all have a side of our personalities that is good and beautiful and another side that is not so pleasant and that can hurt others and ourselves. So, how do two imperfect people hope to have a happy healthy relationship?

 Wifey’s take

There is nothing that exposes our weaknesses like a close relationship. I remember how on our second date, I left the house having dressed up and ensuring that I looked like the beautiful flower I wanted to be. You know how we do girls! I had changed my outfit several times and had planned the day before what accessories would be perfect for the date…and shoes…I am a shoe person. I had to have the right shoes!

When I met up with Washington, he was looking great…his casual jeans and…oh, wait, what was that on his shirt? Have you ever hang your shirt without pegs on the hanging line? Have you ever seen that large zigzag crease that forms after the cloth dries and is blown by the wind into one side all bunched up at the end of the line? Really I couldn’t take my eyes off that crease throughout the whole date. I couldn’t believe how much this irked me….and I thought I was such a deep sister! Don’t look at the outside, look at character…I tried to remind myself of all that I thought I stood for as a Christian. Unfortunately, all I could think about was how in God’s name he would put such little effort in impressing me with his clothes! Up to that point, I genuinely did not think I was such a petty person. Now I know J. I cannot remember this day without laughing. 

It is a reminder to me that my husband is a mirror that God uses to show me both my good and bad sides. I used to think I was a perfect rose, beautiful and without blemish….but alas, after being in a relationship for 4 years…I learnt that I am a beautiful rose with (many)thorns and thank God Washington still loves me. Now in marriage I have all types of opportunities to be PETTY…however…since I know it’s a thorn, I counter it practically using God’s word. We will share more about it after Hubby’s take.

True love makes us better people

Ladies, it is a humbling thing to accept to be loved; to allow a person to correct you, to allow God to expose your thorns through your spouse/fiancé/boyfriend. This is a side of love that some of us do not want to experience. Most of us want to be pursued and we place these high standards. If he wants me, he had better do… 1,2,3. He had better step up his game and be…1,2,3. You can bring out that list ladies and fill in those blanks, because we all have expectations, and particularly for us ladies, we set our standards high so we can test the man’s resolve to pursue us and settle down with us. This is great and we must do this to safeguard ourselves from marrying what we call fokojembes (losers). However, don’t forget to work on yourself so that you can also meet his standards. Men’s expectations can be SO different from ours and sometimes we behave as if it is only our perspectives and expectations that matter in a relationship. 

Seek God’s help

Rest assured, the closer you become in a relationship, the more your personality will be exposed, both the good and bad sides. Personality issues are deeply embedded in us and sometimes mere will power is not enough to change a habit that has been entrenched into our minds and attitudes. Humble yourself before God and ask Him to help you with those aspects of your personality that would threaten your marriage…because they are there.

Humble yourself

 Sometimes, we are always quick to blame our partners for the arguments and unhappiness in our relationships. This does not always solve the problem. Learn to apologize when you are wrong, regardless of what you may believe, you are not always right. You are a rose and you have thorns. Resist the urge to hide behind the excuse that this is how you are and you cannot change. You can change and we will discuss a very practical remedy that God gives in his word that will help you to do this. Do your part and ask your partner to do his. Resist the urge to say that you will only change if your partner changes. I am not saying that you should not hold your partner responsible for handling his thorns, I am just saying that you can aspire to be a better person simply because you want to be.

Proverbs 31:30

Always remember, you are accountable to God first for your thoughts and actions towards your spouse/fiancé/boyfriend. 

Coming Soon: The Hubby's Take

HIS Story Part 3 -Don't be the other man, be the REAL man

The Delusion & Deception of being the other man

About a year or so ago, an advert was placed in different spots in the city of Nairobi by a young man who said he was a “toy boy” who was in need of a sugar mummy. The advert which became a hot topic in the social media conveyed an open message that the young man would offer sexual services to the willing sugar mummy in return for financial favors. This was to be a straight business transaction with no strings attached. The desperation of this young man could be deciphered in the advert placed in the form of posters on street lamps, walls of buildings and bridge pillars. This issue brought to the fore the willingness by some men to be used as “side dishes” or “toy boys” in return for financial stability. 

While I’m still trying to grasp how one would be proud to be called a “toy boy” or a “side dish,” it is evident that there are some men who are willing to throw away any form of dignity left in them for the sake of sexual adventure just for the sake of it or offering sexual services in return for money. There are some men who are willing to be the other man in a relationship. These men advertise themselves as stallions & studs with the ability to satisfy the needs of women whether young or old, married or not. It is worth noting that the other man comes in different forms, they may be single or married, young or old.

While a lot has been said about the other woman, very little has been said about the other man yet there are some men who wear this title with a lot of arrogance and very little dignity. While the world tends to exalt sexual immorality and infidelity, there are some fundamental truths that the world does not tell us about being the other man in a relationship. 

However, there are some truths that we need to look at as it regards being the other man in a relationship.

It is cheap and of less value

 The other man is as cheap as the woman he is engaging in an illicit relationship with. If a woman is willing to cheat on her husband with you and you are party to the arrangement, then understand that you are of the same mind and stature. Both of you are suffering from esteem and self worth issues. Both of you are of little or no dignity and you are agreeing on following the short path to destruction. Note that two cannot walk unless they agree and when two are joined together sexually they become one, and the problem with this kind of arrangement is that you are becoming one in cheapness. Two cheap people cannot create a pricey and valuable union. Let the cheating woman keep to herself and do not join yourself with her lest you lower yourself to her level. Be deaf to the words of the seductress who is willing to lure you into her bedroom by telling you that stolen love is sweet. Get yourself some spine, dress yourself with dignity and place some value on yourself and resist any form of sexual temptation.

 It swallows your identity

Whoever joins himself with a prostitute becomes one with her. Being the other man in a relationship brings you to a point of sharing your identity with the cheating woman. Whether you like it or not, you can never escape this reality. If you want to maintain your identity as a “stud” or a “stallion” then save yourself for your wife. As a man you are meant to delight in the wife of your youth and desist from embracing the bosoms of other men’s wives. Your sexual prowess that you boast about should be reserved for your wife, do not share your sexual passions with any other woman who is not your wife lest you also be a prostitute through laying with a prostitute. He is not justified calling anyone a prostitute he who lays with a prostitute because they are one. The masculinity of a man is not based on how many women he sleeps with but on the commitment he has for that one woman, the wife of his youth. You have within you the wherewithal to build within yourself an identity based on integrity, strong value systems and respect for yourself.

It sets you up for serious consequences

The world glorifies sexual sin and infidelity is the order of the day. Young men engaged in no strings attached sexual relationships with other men’s wives are rewarded well financially. What the world doesn’t teach us is that beyond the screensaver of sexual adventure and financial gain lies a painful sting of death. Sin has consequences and sexual sin has got its own consequences. When you are far spent and your body is in agony and pain as a result of engaging in sexual sin, the reality of the matter is the world will not be there to console and comfort you for fighting the good fight and running the good race of being the other man. You will have to carry your cross alone. We have witnessed some men being killed by enraged husbands after it was discovered that they were having an affair with their wives and the Bible also alludes to this fact in Proverbs 6:34, For the woman's jealous husband will be furious, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge. Do not be deceived, you reap what you sow and this is a reality that you cannot escape. If you ruin other people’s marriages then be assured that if you don’t stop your behavior your own intimate relationship will be ruined by somebody else.

It will ruin and definitely bring you down

History has proved to us that sexual sin has the ability to tear down kingdoms and nations. Lustful leaders have ended up losing the grip of their kingdoms and many illustrious careers have been brought down in an instant because of sexual sin. If you don’t believe it then you can do a quick study on the fall of  Dominique Strauss Kahn whose career as the IMF boss was cut short because of engaging in an illicit sexual relationship. Whether the affair was consensual or not is not the issue, the issue is that sexual sin was committed and that was the cause of his downfall. I do not have enough time to mention the downfall of Samson because of Delilah, the disgrace of David because of Bathsheba and his son Solomon who lost the grip of his own God given kingdom because of sexual lust. 

Do not subscribe to the lie that you’ll engage in riotous sexual behavior as a “toy boy” or a “stud” and expect to get away scot free because something has to give. Either you change your ways or you’ll witness the destruction of all that you’ve ever worked for in your life. You’ll watch as the world caves in on you and witness as everyone who cheered you on in your riotousness scatters leaving you exposed and ashamed.

Having said all that, the good news is that no one is beyond redemption. If you are living your life as the other man in a relationship, you have the choice to STOP IT. Real men pick up the fragments of their lives, square their shoulders, choose a new path of righteousness and dignity and start anew. That is a choice that you can make if you want to be respected by men and to be honored by God. The choice is in your hands.

By: Washington Mwangi