ROSES
& THORNS – HUBBY’S TAKE
My
life as a bachelor was not very meticulous simply because it was focused mainly
on me, myself and I. Every choice and decision that I made was focused on how
the expected outcomes would benefit me. I did not have to worry about making
decisions for two people and I wasn’t much affected with the oneness that comes
from being in a close relationship. I actually considered myself to be a strong
person emotionally and I never thought anyone had the ability to affect my
emotions based on their own emotions. This was informed mainly by the fact that
I was solely responsible for the “stability” of my own emotional well being.
This is a thought pattern that I held onto strongly for several years as a
single young man.
When
I met Christine Muna and we started dating, I knew in my heart that I had found
the love of my life. I had no doubt in my heart that she was the one I intended
to spend my whole life with. Our dating and courtship was adventurous and
hilarious. It was exciting as it was fulfilling even as we grew closer to each
other. The whole principle of two becoming one was becoming a reality to me as the
days went by.
Anyone
one who has been in a serious relationship will confirm that as you grow
together you tend to get linked in almost all ways including emotionally. God
in His own wisdom, intention and purposes chose to create men and women in a
totally different way as far as emotional intensity is concerned. While both
men and women are emotional beings the reality is that more often we tend to
have different ways of expressing our emotions. These differences have the
potential to bring tumult into a relationship if not handled with wisdom.
As
I grew closer to Christine, I started to engage with her emotionally at all
levels. I realized that despite the fact that I considered myself strong
emotionally the saying “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” was becoming a
reality to me. I discovered that I was actually getting more and more affected by
her emotions in that if she wasn’t happy I would also find myself unhappy.
Normally, I preferred always having a “happy” life. I was the kind of person
who would even ignore a crisis just to ensure that the happenings of the day
were exciting. This was a trait that I brought into our relationship and it was
a huge struggle for me. The big question for me was how to link with Christine
emotionally and still manage to be myself and not pretend that all was well
when it wasn’t well at all. How could I maintain a peaceful atmosphere within
for the sake of both of us in the midst of a storm without losing it? And if I
was to break down and cry while comforting and holding her, who then would hold
me in return? And therein lay the thorn
within me, the emotional struggle and the pretense.
I
have discovered after almost five years of knowing Christine that it’s the
woman who sets the mood in a relationship, and in the house for those who are
married. If she’s happy there’s a high chance that the man will also be happy,
if she’s feeling down there’s a high chance that the man will follow suit. As I
said earlier this could be a potential trouble spot for a relationship if not
handled properly. Some men have bailed out of great relationships with great
women just because the said men were unable to handle the emotional dynamics of
their women. The excuses given by such men are that their women have got “so
many issues” which they cannot handle. Now if all men were to think in this way
then the human race would be extinct by now because marriages as we know them would
have ceased to exist. The Bible clearly states that “if you don’t want trouble,
then don’t get married.” This is indicative in itself that marriage is not for
boys and girls but for mature men and women. I believe that it is given to
every man by God the innate ability to take care of his wife emotionally, if
only we realize it and are willing to grow this God given ability.
I
realized that I had to grow beyond myself in order to be able to satisfactorily
handle Christine’s emotions. I discovered that I was petty in trying to pretend
that all was well in the midst of a storm. It was evident that it was simplistic
of me to ignore Christine’s emotions and continue as though nothing was happening.
I HAD TO CHANGE.
I
allowed God to start a growth process in me which in itself wasn’t very easy. This
required total dedication on my part because if I really wanted to effectively
take care of my wife emotionally then I had to step up and withstand the
process of growth. This is a lifelong process since life happens and no one can
predict what tomorrow holds. I however thank God that despite the fact that I’m
not there yet, I’m definitely not where I was when I first started. I have
actually experienced a tremendous amount of growth which has seen Christine and
I grow together in our marriage which keeps getting sweeter by the day.
I
can confirm that the thorn is now blunter
and its sting and consequences are no longer grave. Emotions are an extremely
powerful part of us which we cannot ignore. They constitute a normal part of us
as human beings but the great news is that they can be controlled and handled
properly.
Both
Christine and I are now emotionally more mature and the good part is that we
are now more emotionally open and vulnerable to each other which has been
instrumental in making our love for each other greater.
My
angelic Christine Muna Mwangi, I love you more and more each day.
